Gan'
to Home
Gan'
to HomeEducated within the prison walls of Dyke House State Prison,
and whilst most of his peers graduated to the HM Stockton School Of Furthur
Education, went onto Hartlepool Sixth Form College where he basically did
fuck all for two years before faced with the prospect of life on the dole
or a shelf stacker, did the bare minimum and went onto the University Of 
Manchester
Institute of Science and Technology where once again he did very little
before landing a job in the shite South of England. He now currently resides
in boring Oxfordshire and works for JET,
a cool nuclear fusion research establishment as a computer type bod..
His spell in the south of England was broken at the end of 1992 for 13 months when he and his mega babe, Martine, set off to travel around the world. After spending 13 months in exotic locations such as Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand and Fiji, both decided that the sensible thing to do would be to return home for a traditional northern christmas in the Big H.
His hobbies include windsurfing, playing badminton, going down the pub with the lads when he is up home and mountain biking with Slade occasionally. He has been known to walk (to the pub) on the odd occasion as well. Bev and his babe, Martine are pictured above enjoying a boat cruise off an island in Thailand. The lads werent best pleased with the this picture as they reckon that it is not an accurate representation of my true self (or that it was they meant, what they said "Bev yer bastard I saw them fucking photos wait till I get that photo of you chucking yer guts up outside of the Lass 'o Gowrie in Manchester"). Well lads, thats me exercising my editorial right. Bev can be contacted by clicking here
Watson is now working full time testing wimmins knickers and Katrina has started work at the Health centre as of this week. Watson like most of the crew, occasionally suffers from complete lack of taste, but there really is no excuse for his fanatical following of Manchester United. Our highlight of the year was when Newcastle slaughtered Manchester United at St. James Park. It certainly was'nt Watsons. Other lapses of good taste has been his persistent following of the band The Alarm . This was mercifully cut short when the lead singer went on an ego trip and thought that he could cut it by himself. Watson carries on as if blissfully unaware that the band are no longer a unit, and continues to wear a leather jacket with an Alarm emblem adorning the back. His hobbies include going down the pub, eyeing up women, playing badminton with Parsons, playing cards and giving sexual excitement to his dog Jess .
After
a couple of years of tending to the sheep and perfecting his lawn mowing
technique around various radio masts around the country, his company realised
that radio masts could look after themselves and after two years was relieved
of his duties. Another year long spell on the dole followed before he returned
to Newcastle University to do a Masters in Fibre Optics. He has recently
finished this and now once again is languishing on the dole in Hartlepool
desperately trying to find himself a job. He spends most of week at the
moment cycling from his home in Seaton Carew to the Executive job club
in Middlesbrough to write job applications.
Sladeys hobbies include brewing home brew, drinking home brew, riding his bike, playing on his guitar, playing cards at Watsons, attending pub quizzes and previously, was a influential member of the greatest rock and roll band of the late '80s. Volatile Springs (formerly wild safari). Sladeys musical influences can be traced back to 1972 and is a big fan of ancient rock acts such as Pink Floyd. The low point of 1996 for Sladey was when some geordie scallies robbed his Camel tapes from his Ford Orion whilst studying in Newcastle. His ideal vocation in life would be a chief beer tester in the local brewery, a task he no doubt would take very seriously since he does it quite regularly as an amateur. In fact, nothing much disturbs Sladey once the ale starts flowing. One night in Blazers in Middlesbrough, after a bit of a smoke and a few too many pints, chucked his guts up all over the dance floor and then continued to dance in it. What a trooper.
Sladey is a colourful sort of person often seen out on the tiles of Hartlepool sporting a Hawaiian Shirt in the middle of winter. Coupled with his vast array of nylon trousers, he dress sense proved seminal in influencing the current fashion sense of the current crop of "nerd" bands that seemed to have filled the void left by Volatile Springs breaking up.
Sladeys mega duck in the job hunting department was broken recently when after years of trying to find a job local to Hartlepool, he finally managed to get one, only it was in London. As I write this, I can just see Sladey crying into his beer in some dodgy southern pub after having to pay more than 2 quid for a pint. After speaking to Sladey this bank holiday weekend, it works out that he is now working in the centre of London and has to wear a suit. Faced with a weekend of piss poor southern beer, Sladey would rather hack 6 hours on a weekend driving back to the big H. for a pint of Strongarm rather than drink overpriced watered down gnats piss. Sladey finds the place well f**king boring and is amazed at how little the southerners go out (thats 'cos they can't take their ale (sorry Pimms) Ed.). Sladey tells me that his job entails taking patents and their associated unintelligible legal shite and converting them to plain English. This is a job that he must be perfectly suited to as after knowing Watson for so long, screening out bullshit must be second nature by now. Sladey can be contacted by clicking here
He then satisfied his rock and roll cravings by buying a drum kit and forming part of the tight rhythm section of Equation along with Paul "The Thumb" Shipley. His dad used to be the caretaker for Hartlepool Sixth Form College which proved invaluable connection when grooming Volatile Springs for playing stadiums when they later went on to mega stardom by turning a blind eye when we turned up at the school hall on a sunday afternoon armed with a Yugo full of music kit. His period in the band was broken by a brief spell working at Scunthorpe steel works workings his bollocks off relining furnaces. After some dubious liasons with a local lass, did a runner back to the Big H. where he got a job with a local accountancy firm . There he worked up until last October until he was rather unceremoniously relived of his duties. Briscoe has been on the dole since then but has kept himself occupied with signing on and walking in the countryside. After a lean spell in the scoring stakes, his duck was broken by the appearance of the lovely Gaynor. Despite the macho appearance that Briscoe is trying to maintain, it would seem that he and glorious Gaynor are getting quite serious. Reports are coming in of them considering living together. The end is in sight them.
Things are up for Briscoe nowadays. He is like a old married man nowadays and his wildchild ways are firmly in the past. Gaynor has obviously asserted her authority over the man Briscoe. No more going down the town on a Friday night to get slaughtered on cheap ale and letching over bucket loads of totty. Instead, cosy evening meals followed by early nights are the order of the day. His duck in the job hunting stakes also has been broken. He is now working for some accountancy firm in Thornaby.
Briscoes hobbies include walking, going out to the pub, going to nightclubs, going to Gaynors (an awful lot by all accounts lately) and playing five-a-side football for a local team.
Spurs lived his formative years in a house on the corner of York Rd near the Odeon. Any local Hartlepudlian would be aware of the Spurs household. Mrs Spurs, would cram the equivalent of Oxford Streets Christmas decorations into the front window of her house at Christmas. the resulting display would prove invaluable as a navigation beacon for civil aircraft on final approach to Teeside Airport.
Spurs was never in Volatile Springs as his dodgy musical tastes excluded him from being a member of such a prestigious rock band. Besides he couldnt even shake a tambourine in time (but that didnt stop other members of the band). Never the less he was always on the scene giving support and advice as Volatile Springs climbed the ladder of fame.
Up until recently Spurs was now as miserable as sin working down in London for some shite chemical firm and hated the place with a passion. He was trying to find a job a bit closer to home as the only job that he is likely to get in this town using chemicals is as a toilet cleaner. Fortunately, Spurs has managed to find another job and will be starting in Swindon very shortly. Perhaps he will stop talking about jobs and careers now for a while.
Spursies hobbies include sleeping in until 2 o'clock in the afternoon when he has time off work, dressing like a 80's throwback, drinking vodka and eating chocolate. He also likes to travel but between the dole and his current job can only afford the trip up to Leeds to see his chick every other week.
Spurs had a ill fated liason with Sladeys sister which hit the rocks and everything went arse up. It was rumoured that Watson also had a brief encounter with Sladeys sister. It would seem that women would do anything to bed the rock gods of Volatile Springs.
Adrenaline. Lee doesn't have blood in his veins but 8 pints of the fast stuff. Talking faster than auctioneer on speed, Lee could recite War and Peace in the time it takes mere mortals to read out the The Sun Says column. The more he drinks, the faster he talks.
There is usually an ongoing dispute between Bev and Lee about where we should go on a night. Lee likes his loud music and chicks whereas Bev just likes his chicks. On the dance floor, Lee puts the moves together in a sort of syncopatic jazz Michael Stipe sort of way. Usually at odds with the bass drum, Lee bops away like a good 'un whilst his totty radar is running at full power. The merest sniff of biff and Lee's advanced homing radar is powerful enough to guide him even through the thickest dry ice to his target. Once there, it's the hands on hips and full pelvic thrust just to make sure that the chicks get the message. Fortunately for Lee, his advanced homing radar is coupled with the most advanced natural counter measures known to man. No matter how many times a bewer tells him to fuck off, he just shrugs his shoulders and keeps trying.
Parsons as he is known to the lads, lives off Chatham Road. A couple of years younger than Bev, Slade, Spurs and Briscoe, but the same age as Watson but doesnt look as old. Parsons also attended Dyke House School and went through Hartlepool Sixth Form College before ending up at Birmingham Polytechnic. After completing a economics degree, he had a spell on the dole before starting a masters at Tesside Poly which he eventually failed a couple of years later.
To date he has still to get a job but he doesnt seem to give a roaring fuck as long as he has enough in his pocket at the end of the week (and in the middle) for a pint or two down his favourite pub. Parsons is pictured to the right looking like some 80s Duran Duran throwback.
Latest Update On Parsons employment status :
After twenty-eight years of unemployment, Parsons finally breaks his duck and gets two jobs within six months! Obviously recognising his polite and not in the slightest uncouth conversational manner, he has had two jobs now which involve answering the phone. He is now working down at Starpak down on Brenda Road playing computer games all day and helping out seven year old kids who are having problems getting Mr Whippy and his incredible pink aardvark to level two of "Mr Whippy Strikes Again". Apparently he just loves the job.
Gan'
to Home